Sunday, 12 May 2013

Never can say goodbye...


     One of my favourite people and really good friend left a few weeks ago.  It’s really sad b/c there’s a good chance we won’t see each other again – at least for a long time.  We both have plans to travel and explore.  It just sucks that, as part of this job we chose, we lose a lot of friends.  It’s a constant turnover and some are not replaced by good people.  Another friend is leaving at the end of the month.  And my coworker and friend left only to be switched for a person I can’t stand!  Really terrible, arrogant condescending, rude, manipulative, loud, irritating, selfish, and the list goes on.  But I digress…
     The job requires a contract for a year or so and if you do well you can extend (which I did for a year).  Basically this job is something to fill the time before you move on to (hopefully) bigger and better things.  To save money, b/c we are the lucky few that have jobs, and travel or go back to school or do something other than what we do in Japan or Korea or China or whatever.  Maybe this job is good experience and will look good on your resume.  But in the grand scheme of things this is a “now” job and is seen as such by some other people.  I do have friends that have been doing this for years and years but still talk about what they will do next. 
     There’s nothing wrong with it.  It just makes me reflect that this life is temporary.  I might stay for a long time but others will leave and our friendships will maybe fade or end.  It may seem sad and depressing but it’s the truth.  You might maintain contact with those few special people back home but then more and more time passes and you know less and less about them and they you.  After a couple months I had already felt myself drifting from friends.  The time difference doesn’t help.  But there have been so many times when I think so-and-so would think this is funny.  But the time passes and you can’t connect with that person instantly like you could before.  So many times my sister says “I had something funny to tell you!  But I forgot!”  It happens so many times to everyone on both sides.
     I also miss out on so many things back home and have no idea what is going on.  My friend is getting married and I was supposed to be in the wedding but b/c I can’t take my vacation days I can’t come home for it and had to tell her I couldn’t be there for her.  I can’t be there for any of her events – engagement party, bachelorette, wedding shower, WEDDING! She understands of course but it doesn’t make it any less hard.
     I also have 2 parents going through a really hard time in their lives and a brother making a big life decision.  Of course they are missing big things here with me too.  I know they will be fine and do great but it doesn’t stop me from worrying and thinking I should be there for them.  I also think so often that my brother and sister should be here for this reason or another.  Like the Penis Festival! Good times all around!!! 
     Anyway, I’m not sad I’m here and don’t regret my decision and am doing 350% better than I was in Canada.  At home it was a bad situation and my life has improved since moving to Japan.  I just worry how things will be when I go home, for however long that is.  Will I still be able to talk to my friends the same way?  Will it be easy or strained?  Will they like my gifts?  So many questions!
     I am grateful I have a job and I enjoy it (most of the time).  But there are those days when I regret extending my contract but then I think, "If I quit, what else will I do?"  I'll be coming up on my one year anniversary in a couple months and then will be visiting Canada soon after.  It'll be time to reassess things and try to make a long-term goal and plan so I'm not just some wandering drifter with no plan in sight.  Any suggestions?

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