Two months and counting...

So those last blog entries hinted at me making a big decision and you’ve probably already worked it out.  I am leaving Japan!

I have been here just over 2 years and it has been great and terrible! Really, it’s not surprising because nothing you do will ever be perfect and you can’t expect things to be as such just because you change your location.  You are still who you are and must accept that.  It took me a long time to do that and I’m not even sure I have, really.

The biggest factor that influenced my decision to leave was my health.  Since I have been here I have gained a lot of weight.  For a looooong time I was of the mentality that I’m on vacation and I should enjoy the food I have around me because I might not get it again – BIG mistake!  Also, I fucking hate cooking!!! I’m bad at it and when you have ONE burner, half a sink, and NO counter space (not an exaggeration) you would lose all desire to wanna cook too…even if you could.  Food here is very expensive and I don’t have the luxury of going to the inexpensive grocer’s and buying bags of fresh produce for 2 weeks.  I have to shop everyday or several times a week.  Produce is asshole expensive and they don’t have a wide variety like at home.  Rapini, kale, even celery? What are those?  Oh, they have celery but ONE STALK is $1.50.

So that’s the weight.  But the main issue with my health is my eczema.  Since I got here it has gone from bad to worse to dear-god-what-happened-to-your-face–and-body?  I can’t go outside where it’s a little warm because the slightest trace of sweat on my forehead/face makes me want to rip it to shreds.  I’m covered scalp to toes in scabs and scars (scars that won’t fade since I have been here…).  My skin is severely dry and flaking and painful.  It literally burns to wash my face each morning and evening – I dread it.

My kids ask me if I’m ok, if I hurt.  I have a wand mirror I use in class for my little ones.  When they get hurt or have a scratch on them, I wave my wand, make a beeping sound and their pain goes away.  One little baby now does this to me each week because she sees my cuts and scabs.

One mother walked in with her crying baby in her arms and completely ignored him when she saw me.  *GASP* “Are you ok? What happened?”  I can’t wear make-up anymore and I’m applying cream and lotions to my face so much (even during lessons) I carry a tube in my pocket.  I carry ice-packs around work with me to help with the inflammation and pain and itch.  I have more meds than I’ve ever taken.  I had my family send remedies and creams from home. I have pills, creams, and powders from here – nothing works.

And so I made the decision to leave.  Unfortunately, Company X doesn’t do 3 month contracts (I asked and explained about my skin and they said no…) so I am breaking my contract in half.  Even though I gave them more than enough time to find a replacement and I hadn’t even started the current contract when I gave them my notice they still saw it as a “break of contract” – no bonus and no letter of recommendation.  Shit.  I’ve literally bled for this company but whatever.  I still get a phone reference if my future company calls but Company X will let them know I am a contract breaker.  FOR HEALTH REASONS!  I’m sure my future employer will understand and it’s not like I’ve done anything bad to earn a negative character reference.

I leave October 18^th and am counting the days.  I thought my skin would get a reprieve in the summer since winter is so dry but this year that is not the case.  It’s worse than ever and there is no treatment in sight. 

I was busy this holiday week preparing my apartment, cleaning, packing, and trying to figure out how to ship all my things home when I leave.  I will be travelling for a bit and it will cost too much to return to Japan after and fly out one-way just to take my things.  It’s better to ship everything and I can return home from wherever I end off…I think.  Shipping is fucking expensive!

I am very excited and scared of the next chapter in my life.  I’ll be travelling Southeast Asia for a while and hoping that lying on a beach and soaking in the salt water will ease my suffering.    But that means being at the mercy of other customs and cultures by myself.  God help me if I should have another anaphylactic shock after eating peanuts in Thailand – it didn’t work out so well in Japan if you remember.

And then that means after I finish travelling I have to return home.  Try to find a job, get an apartment, and do something where my teaching skills and degree is transferable.  Yeah, getting a job back home will be easy, right? Hahaha…haha..ha…

So that’s me – up-to-date and ready to move on.  Two months and counting!

Oh, p.s. I am very much looking forward to removing myself from the bullshit of my school branch and general workplace customs that just don’t work.  Not even for me – it’s clear when you’re co-workers are constantly floundering that something needs to change…

p.p.s. The “I’m grateful for being here and I’m gonna miss J-Land” update will follow :)